Wrong
by oddball15
Summary: I liked the way our hands looked together, and I wanted this so much. But it was so so so wrong. Shaitlyn


"Why did you leave?" I asked him. His action had seemed abrupt and angry. I just wanted to know why. I was trying to be a good friend to Mitchie, following him out of there. At least, that's what I told myself.

"I didn't want to see you cry." He answered simply. That was oddly sweet of him.

I looked at him. "I wasn't crying…"

He gave me a confused look.

"That was Mitchie."  
He looked apologetic. For mistaking who was crying or for making Mitchie cry, I didn't know.

But he'd said he didn't want to see _me _crying. Oh, no.

No, no, no. Please, not this.

He looked up at the moon. "You know that girl I was talking about?"

I was caught off guard. "Yeah." We'd been playing truth or dare in the cabin Mitchie and I shared. It was after hours and the boys weren't supposed to be anywhere near the girl's cabins, but we just wanted to have some fun. It had all gone wrong when Shane's truth was the classic, "Who do you _like_?" He'd gone on about this beautiful girl with mysterious eyes and blah blah blah all while he was off in his own little world. Mitchie had been crushed. I'd been... uncomfortable.

Shane continued. "Well, she's not anyone any of you know. And I didn't even like her that much. She's just… something that happened while I was away."

I don't know why he thought _I _was the one who he should explain this to. We barely spoke to each other. Mitchie was the one who'd been madly in love with him from the beginning. That's why she was the one crying when he began talking about this mysterious girl. And normally, Mitchie wouldn't cry at something like that. But she felt strongly about Shane, everything he did affected her somehow. So I can imagine how him saying those things must have hurt her.

"I just said that so I'd have something to say." Shane continued. He looked really honest and sincere. It was unliked him. And I still didn't know why he was telling me this. Right now. Outside the cabins in the middle of the night.

"But the truth is…" He didn't really pause that long, but it felt like forever. Plus I was studying his features, hating him for looking so mysterious in the moonlight, which seemed to take up some time. "I've never felt so... strongly... about anyone but you."

He was staring at me with shining eyes and I felt my stomach flip. Me?

This was _not _what I followed him for. I may have thought the way he walked was sexy, and I may have liked watching him write his songs, but he was Mitchie's. They weren't together (yet), but she was enamored with him. And she was my best friend, so there was no way I was going to go after the guy she spent so many hours dreaming about. She trusted me.

"No." I said.

"What?" He walked closer to me. I hadn't noticed my legs starting to shake. I bit my lip, trying to find words. I was going to explain that he was all wrong. I wanted to scream that I wasn't the girl he was supposed to end up with. He wasn't even supposed to notice me. And if I hadn't thought he was so perfect, I would have. Instead I stayed silent, and he took that silence as a chance to explain further.

"It's just… when I talk to you I feel so alive, and when I see you smiling I'm happy because I know you are too, and…I think I love you, Caitlyn."

No.

Nonononono. These were the exact words Mitchie had told me she wanted him to say to her. I looked down at my hands. At _our_ hands. He'd taken my hands in his and was saying all these sweet things to me. And I felt so terrible because I _liked _it. I liked the way our hands looked together. But I wanted to shoot myself for having dreamt about this very picture I was seeing. His thumbs were stroking my skin and his warm fingers squeezed my palms. It would have been so perfect if I didn't care so much about Mitchie's damn feelings.

But I knew if she ever found out that I had any kind of thoughts about Shane, she'd abandon me. She was the only real friend I'd ever had. I couldn't risk losing to her all for some guy, right?

But Shane wasn't just some guy.

He was _Shane_. He was the guy I snuck glances at when Mitchie wasn't looking. He was the guy whose mind I tried to figure out when I was laying in bed. He was the guy who was always in the front of my mind, even when he was the _last_ thing I wanted to think about. I wanted to hate him so much. I wanted to haul off and hit him so hard he'd never be able to see again. But I couldn't.

I loved him. It was so so so wrong but I loved him.

But was he worth losing my best friend?

A tear I didn't know had been there rolled down my cheek. Shane saw it and wiped it away. I had to squeeze my eyes shut. I had dreamed about this. I'd wanted him to be the one to wipe away my tears. But not like this. Not when Mitchie had told me a million times that she wanted it, too. Not when I was betraying her.

"Are you alright?" Shane asked, concern coating his quiet voice.

"No." My voice shook. I looked at him, anger and pain flashing in my eyes. "Don't do this."

All of a sudden he looked hurt. "Don't do what?" I had a feeling this was exactly what he didn't want to hear.

"Don't tell me that I make you happy. Don't tell me that you feel alive when I talk to you. Don't tell me that!" I paused and lowered my voice. I caught his expression and I got even angrier. "And don't look at me like that! Don't look at me ever again!"

He kept looking at me. More tears were falling now and I felt like an idiot. "Don't tell me you feel the same way about me that I've felt about you since last summer. Don't tell me you love me! Tell me you hate me! Tell me that you could never want me! Then at least I would know I wasn't missing out on you. Tell me… tell me you hate when I speak and when I'm in the same room as you. Tell me you care about Micthie. Because that girl that you left crying in that cabin is so in love with you, her whole world will collapse if she finds out." Her world would collapse. Kind of like mine was doing right now. I wanted this so much, but it was so so so wrong.

Shane squinted. "Mitchie? You're telling me to be with _Mitchie_?"

I wiped the stupid tears out of my eyes. "Yes."

"So you want me to be with Mitchie, even though I love you so much it hurts sometimes? You want me to pretend like you don't exist even when I get so happy when I know you're around? You want me to just pretend like I never got up the courage to tell you how much I loved you and pretend to love someone else?" His voice was getting louder and angrier. With every word, his pain became more obvious. He'd abandoned his badass approach and let his gaurd down. And I felt the same way, but I couldn't. I wouldn't. And now he was pissed.

I couldn't blame him. This was messed up. I didn't know whose fault it was. Shane's for just randomly loving me, or Mitchie's for loving him first. I wanted to blame someone else so badly, but I couldn't. There was only me. If I didn't have any feelings this wouldn't be a problem. If I didn't exist Mitchie could be happy. Shane could be happy with her. The things that he'd said had made me felt so good, and then tore me apart again because I was betraying my best friend. Betraying her just for feeling this thing that came naturally to me. I tried to fight it. I tried so hard, especially in the beginning. And especially now, when I saw my world crumble around me.

"You want me to pretend some more, after I have been pretending for so long?"

His expression was now almost complete agony. Those awful tears came back to me eyes. I wanted to hold him so badly. I wanted to tell him that, no, I would never say that. I wanted to kiss him and have that perfect fairy-tale ending everyone talks about. But it would never be a fairy tale, because either way I chose, someone I loved would end up hating me.

I sniffed, and almost too quiet to hear, I said, "Yes."

He stood up straight. He made his features look calm and together. It scared me to see him so calm after being so passionate. So passionate... for me. He was practically screaming at me that he loved me. But I'd pushed him away.

"Okay." He said evenly. I caught his eye for a tiny second before he turned his back and walked away.

His eyes had said everything I wanted to hear. They'd said that they loved me, that they always would. They said that even though I couldn't love him, he'd never give up. He looked so sad.

But it was only wishful thinking.

...

The next day he asked Mitchie to be his girlfriend. She was so elated that she looked like she might burst. It made me smile to see the smile on her face. But I knew from that moment on that I had made the wrong choice. She shared with me that he'd told her he'd loved her since he heard her voice last summer. She said that when she spoke to him he felt alive.

He'd told her almost word for word what he'd told me that night. I watched him kiss her the way I'd wanted him to kiss me that night. I watched him hold her hands like he'd held mine. He never looked at me. He acted like I didn't exist.

We could have been everything they were, but real.

And in the end, he'd done everything I asked him to, and it broke me apart.

* * *

**Hi. Okay, so I'm still deciding wether or not I like this. Do you like it? I'm afraid it's too dramatic and that I didn't write Shane right and the ending sucks and all this stuff. **

**The idea came from this dream I had last night. It was like this but minus a looooooooot of the passion, and plus a lot of ridiculousness. I think the truest statement in this piece that came from my dream was, "I liked the way our hands looked together." The dream I had scared me and made me laugh. I wanted to write something like it, but magnified, so here it is. That probably makes no sense. Awk.**

**All my rambling nonsense aside, please please tell me what you think in a review. Even if you hated it, but especially if you liked it. Any review is welcome, though. Thanks for reading. :)**


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